Dear Nina -

I’m Pamela.  I’m 25, and love life, men and sex!  I have this crazy cute boyfriend - he’s 26.  His name is Doug.  We have a great sex life, we do all sorts of crazy stuff, and it’s a lot of fun.  We’re never bored with each other, and can fuck all night long.  One thing, though is that hee says he’d like me to talk dirty to him sometimes.

He says it would be especially exciting to him during intercourse or when we’re first messing around, getting each other hot and bothered.

Which words should I use?  Are some more of a turn on, and some more of a turn off?  Do I say the words dick, cock, penis?  Should I say pussy or cunt?  How do I know?  Should I tell him what I like,  or ask him questions?  I’m lost here *lol*.  Are there things that most guys like to hear?

I’m not sure what he wants me to say.  I really like it when he talks to me - he always knows just what I want to hear.  And it does turn me on more, so I can see why he’d like it.  The problem is that I feel silly, and I don’t really know what to say.  I feel naturally quiet during sex.  But I’m more than  willing to give it a try - maybe I’ll like it.  I just need a little help getting started.

Thanks so much,

Pamela

Dear Pamela -

I think it’s great that you’re willing to try something your boyfriend asks, even though you’re uncertain. Trying new things is what can keep a relationship fun, exciting and fresh.

Most men, and a lot of women, like to be talked to during and before sex.  It heightens the pleasure to stimulate another sense (in this case, hearing) and to stimulate the mind can take sex to an entirely new place.

Although everyone is different, there are some ways to make it easier for you to talk to your partner.  For one thing, try observing out loud.  If his cock is getting harder, observe it - “Your cock is so hard”. Does your boyfriend look good to you?  Is there a favorite body part you like to look at?  Tell him so. “I love your chest” or whatever it is.

Another thing most men like to hear is you telling them either what you are going to do to them or telling them what you like about what they’re doing to you.  You can also try telling him what you like, or just let him know in words when he does something that feels especially good “That feels so good”.

As far as the actual words you use go, a lot of women are uncomfortable with words like cunt and dick, so use words that come to you naturally.  Where one woman might say “Fuck my wet pussy with your hard dick”, another might feel silly saying this.  She might say “I want to feel you inside me”. Notice that both describe the same thing, but in totally different terms.  The more comfortable the words you choose, the more comfortable you will be talking to your boyfriend.

If you’re naturally shy, you might consider thinking up a few things to say in advance.  Sure, it may not be as spontaneous, but it might keep you from getting stage fright.  Best to think about which things you do together regularly, or what about him turns you on the most.  That way it will be easy for you to think up several different things to say in advance.

And never overlook a few moaned comments at the right time like “Oh, yeah” or “don’t stop” or  “do that some more” or even “I’m cumming”.  Many men say out loud that they are going to cum during sex, but not many women do for some reason.

The bottom line is that if you can turn your boyfriend on and feel good about doing it, you’re both going to have a lot of fun!

Love,

Nina

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Hi, Nina.

My name’s Ed. I am 5′ 11″, 180 athletic pounds. I have all my hair, I look good, and I date a lot. I love sex, and women mostly seem to enjoy sharing it with me. There is nothing as good as seeing a woman’s face while you’re fucking her.

My problem is that I reach orgasm too fast. I rarely last more than twenty minutes after actual inter-course begins, yet I read about guys who can go all night. I feel embarrassed when I cum in less than half an hour, which I always do. But I can’t seem to help myself - it feels so good, and the women are so sexy to me.

I have read in men’s magazines that I could think about baseball scores or income tax or something not very pleasant in order to keep from reaching orgasm. The problem I see with this method is that I feel that it would take away some of the natural pleasure from sharing sex with a partner. Taking the pleasure out of sex doesn’t seem like a very good solution to me.

Also I know there are numbing creams that can be applied to my penis, but I feel the same way about using them. Anything that takes the pleasure out of sex is not a good thing to do while having sex.

So where does all this leave me? Feeling that I orgasm too quickly for my partners, that I do not stack up to other guys who can fuck for hours or a whole evening. I’d like to feel that I am a good lover, and I can’t feel that way while I feel that I last so much less time than other men can.

So what do you suggest, Nina?

Thank you,

Ed M.

Dear Ed -

It sounds like you are missing a lot of pleasure by simply worrying about this so much, and it is too bad.

You have either been listening to men bragging or watching porno movies. The average guy lasts less than twenty minutes, and in most cases, women find twenty minutes just about right. It’s a long enough time that they can enjoy it and orgasm, and not so long a period of time that you leave your women sore and uncomfortable.

I agree with you - I think that thinking about unpleasant things during intercourse might make it last longer, but it would be MUCH less rewarding emotionally and physically. It just doesn’t make sense to do any of these things.

If you would like to feel your encounters last longer, you might consider more foreplay. I’m sure that your partners won’t mind - in fact, I’m sure that they’ll be thrilled to find a guy who plays with them for a longer amount of time. Most women feel that they do not get enough foreplay, and they express disappointment about this. So by lengthening the time you put into fondling, fingering and licking, you will make sex take longer overall, and you will satisfy your partners better.

You have a problem shared with too many men - you think of sex as a performance. As a performance, your activities can be measured against other men. But sex should be about the two people sharing their bodies with each other, not about a bunch of guys bragging at the bar or the gym. How long you last and how active you are isn’t what will give your women the most pleasure.

And isn’t giving and receiving pleasure what sex is all about?

Enjoy!

Nina

Dear Nina -

I have something I’d like to ask.  I’m a 28 year old male, pretty good looking, and I’ve had my share of women, and experimented a lot.  My present girlfriend says she loves when someone uses his fingers to get her off, but most of my experience was that fingering a woman leads to other things. My girlfriend says she gets off the best when a guy really knows how to use both his hands on her.

Most of my experience has been eating pussy and fucking, and I love doing both to her.  My girlfriend likes getting eaten, and she loves to fuck, but she says for her it’s best when a guy gets her off with his hands and fingers, not with his tongue or dick.

So far, I don’t think I’ve really impressed her, although it’s amazing how wild and horny she gets when I start.  She really loves it.  I have rarely seen a woman so stimulated and passionate as she gets when I start playing with her clit and fingerbanging her.  It turns me on to watch her, and I know it could be even better!

I feel sort of silly asking her what exactly I should do to her, but I’d like to make her really remember our sex as the best if possible.  So please give me some tips here.  How can I finger a woman so that she goes totally crazy, and cums uncontrollably?

Thanks a lot,

Joey S.

Dear Joey,

A lot of women love to get fingered although many prefer getting their pussies licked to being mast-urbated.  But there’s nothing like a guy who’s good with his hands, I always say ;-)  So here goes…

First off, make sure your hands are clean before playing with your girlfriend.  And make sure you have a nice slippery lubricant nearby, with an easy to open top.  If you rub a girl’s clit without lube, you may cause her more pain than pleasure.

When she starts getting in the mood, take one or two fingers and very gently stoke the skin over her clit.  Then stroke her lips back toward her anus, but don’t go quite that far back.  Stroke back to her clit again.  Try this a few times to get things started.  Kiss her while you’re doing this.  Also try gently pinching her nipples with your other hand.

After a couple minutes, pour lube on your fingers - and pour more over her clit and her opening.  Try not to worry about spilling a little.  Gently push one finger inside her pussy.  Pull it almost all the way out, and move your finger in a circular motion, pushing her lips gently apart.  With your other hand’s fingers, begin gently stroking the hood of her clit in tiny circles.

Now add a second finger inside her pussy, and push them inside her further.  Wiggle them around, sort of back and forth, while moving them in and out of her.  If you’re a man who can concentrate on several things at once, try sucking her nipples while you do this.  But that is sort of secondary. Keep finger-fucking her while you move your fingers inside her.  Never spread your fingers further apart than her vagina can comfortably accommodate.

If her clit is hard, it’s time to - with lots of lubrication - play with it directly.  You can alternate tiny circular motions with fast short up and down movements of your fingers.  Watch her and listen to her.  You may be able to tell which she likes better.  Or maybe she’ll like both.  Some men use one finger on their partner’s clit, some use two.  See which works best for you.

The mistake most men make is that they stop, thinking they’re teasing her.  Don’t stop.  All you’ll do is ruin the mood.

If you have a dildo, one you know she likes, you can insert it inside her while you keep making tiny circles or back and forth motions over her clit.  Some women prefer your fingers inside, though, because of the way your fingers can move apart and together while moving in and out.  Also it is more intimate with your fingers inside of her, so be sure and find out which she prefers - but not in the heat of passion.

As things get more heated up, she will want you to move your fingers faster and faster over her clit. Be sure to touch it gently even when you speed up - there are a LOT of nerve endings in the clitoris, and it doesn’t require much touch to stimulate it.

By the time she is almost ready to cum, you will be moving your finger(s) rapidly on her clit.  Do not start fucking her too hard with your fingers or dildo - you can take concentration away from the clit. Just concentrate on that little bud - you can experiment with the fingers inside her, feeling your way inside her or just pushing in and out or making a tickling motion.  But keep your rapid gentle motion and soon she will be cumming on your fingers.  Don’t stop till she’s done.  Some women are very sensitive right after and may push at your hand to move it away.  But some are ready for you to keep going right after.

After a woman comes like this, her clit is very hard.  This is a perfect time to fuck her - her clit standing out from its hood makes this the best time for her to cum while fucking.

Have fun!

Nina

Hi, Nina!

My name is Melissa and my finance and I have great sex. He’s very passionate and very sweet, and really tries to please me - and succeeds. He’s a great kisser, and gives the best head! The only thing is that he loves to watch me masturbate myself, but I’d love to watch him masturbate for me.

Is this normal? Do other women like to watch their boyfriends jack off for them? I don’t see anything about this in magazines, and none of my friends talk about anything like this. But it seems to me that it would be SO sexy to have him stroke his cock while looking deep into my eyes.

I know that guys love it when their woman masturbates for them. Also a lot of my friends say that they play with themselves while getting fucked to make sure that they get off. But no one talks about men masturbating during sexual encounters.

Do you think I could ask my finance to play with his cock in front of me? Would he be offended? And wouldn’t it be a turn on if he could stroke his cock in his pants in a restaurant or somewhere public while telling me he was doing it and looking at me? Wow!!! This sounds great to me.

Please let me know what you think -

Thank you,

Melissa

Hello, Melissa!

It sounds as if you’re a lady who knows what she wants, but is a little nervous asking for it. The fact is that a lot of women like to watch their men masturbate in front of them. Men aren’t the only ones who enjoy a show of how horny their partners are *grin*

And you’re right - masturbation isn’t talked about very much, although if you go to women’s sex chat boards, you will often see threads about this. You never see articles about guys jacking off for their women in men’s magazines, or in women’s. Overall, masturbation isn’t generally considered a very important thing in sexual encounters - but it should be.

You can learn a lot about how your boyfriend likes to be touched by watching what he does to himself.  In fact, men should be happy to show you exactly what feel the best to them - and turning you on in the process. You can masturbate for each other, as well, if that feels right for you. Or perhaps you would rather enjoy watching him. Whatever works for two people is the right thing for them.

Do ask your fiance to masturate for you. There’s no prescription for this one - just tell him what you want and how you feel about it. Guys love to know that women are turned on by things that they do, that women desire them. So just go for it - let him know. Sometimes it’s difficult for women to ask men to do something sexual, but the best way to get something is to ask. Often guys don’t know what we want - they’re not psychic.

He may feel surprise or awkwardness at first, but if he’s eager to please you, he’ll probably give it a try. You can encourage him by telling him while he does it just how sexy it is, how horny it makes you - let him know it makes you crazy, and how good it is for you. Let him know you love watching him stroke his hard cock. Tell him how romantic and sexy it is when he does it while looking into your eyes. Encourage him and have a great time!

Love,

Nina

Dear Nina,

I am 38 and my husband and I have been together for 8 years. We are very close, still sexually active, and I have never withheld anything from him, nor lied to him in any way.

In all that time, I have had a secret that I am afraid to share with him. I have what I consider to be a  very perverted fantasy - I have thoughts about receiving a spanking from him and chastisement for my own bad behavior.

I am a lawyer, and the head of a small first, so I suspect that my husband would be very surprised to  hear that I have such a submissive vision of myself. I think about being put over his knee, him being rather annoyed with me, and about him applying his hand to my bottom with me helplessly looking at the floor. I find that this fantasy leaves me wet and excited, feeling totally vulnerable and childlike.

Do other women have such fantasies? Is it something people in professions such as mine think about? If so, are there places where I could read more about fantasies about spanking and female submissive sexual situations? I would feel better if I felt that I was normal. I would feel that perhaps there is nothing wrong with me, and that I could safely share my fantasies with my husband.

I feel so warm toward him after such a fantasy. I do not want to change our overall relationship, which  is wonderful, and I do not want my husband to leave me. But I feel that holding back something like this is not good for our relationship.

Can you tell me something about my fantasies, and whether I can tell my husband in your opinion?

Thank you,

Phyllis W.

Dear Phyllis -

You are normal - this is a fantasy shared by many women! Perhaps it is our upbringing, but many  women (and some men) find stimulation in receiving a good, hard over-the-knee spanking.

And yes, absolutely - you should tell your husband about your feelings and your fantasy. For one thing having a secret between you will tear apart your relationship. For another thing, there is a good chance that your husband will love it. Most - although not all - men get a rush of power and even  sexual gratification giving a spanking. Telling him could even bring you closer together.

You can read about female submission in such books as “Nine and a Half Weeks” and more extreme submission in “The Story of “O”". There are many magazines on the adult news stand dedicated to spanking, some even as a lifestyle. There are many more magazines dedicated to submissive women. There are organizations such as Shadow Lane, Threshhold and the Janus Society that are dedicated to dominance, submission, and the BDSM lifestyle. They are also very serious about the concepts of safe and concentual play, so they are good places to start.

A lot of women find there is nothing as exciting as being placed over a male knee - usually a partner - and to have their pants pulled down or their skirt pulled up. As with so many female fantasies, this is even better if there is a scenario around it that makes sense - some kind of correction is taking place. Some very strong women find great satisfaction in being helpless across her husband’s lap.

Hopefully your husband will react well to this news. If you have had an overall honest relationship,  he will probably at very least stand by you and appriciate your honesty. It is not as if you have been cheating on him - you simply have a few turn-ons you haven’t shared with him. And in telling him, and leaving yourself vulnerable, you will give him a greater level of emotional intimacy. This is usually very good for a relationship.

If you happen to have problems telling him, please try a counselor - set up a session between you, your husband, and the counselor. That might make it easier to break the ice. Also if there are any problems between you, a counselor is always a good way to go.

Why not tell him today? Perhaps you could live your fantasy tonight!

Love,

Nina

Dear Nina,

My wife and I have been married for over twelve years, and in this time, she has never once agreed to give me a oral sex. We have shared all sorts of life and sex experiences, have had two children together. We have had sex in several interesting places, and my wife never had a qualm.

And yet in all this time, with all the times we have had sex together, not one time has my wife been willing to put my penis in her mouth!

Sarah, I’m a clean guy. I bathe regularly. My penis isn’t so big that any woman would find it in any way threatening to put it in her mouth. I’m not rough or impatient during sex. There’s nothing wrong with me that I know of. And for over twelve years my wife has refused to do this one thing for me.

I’m not asking that she deep throat my penis or swallow my semen - just a little licking and sucking would be wonderful. But it never happens. I have been a good husband, and I try to make sure that our sex is always good for her. I have asked her nicely to suck my cock for over twelve years of  marriage and another two years of courtship. I’d like to experience oral sex with my wife - is this too much to ask? What can I say to make her want to suck me?

Thank you,

Marty P.

Dear Marty -

You say your wife has shared all kinds of sex experiences with you, and that you have asked her to give you oral sex now for 14 years. Perhaps there is something about the idea of putting a man’s  penis in her mouth that makes her feel extremely uncomfortable.

You say that you are a clean person, but that penis and testicles are an area from which sweat cannot evaporate easily. Perhaps if you and your wife took a shower together, and you scrubbed your penis with soap and rinsed it well, she would be willing to lick the sides.

A lot of women find the idea or the taste of semen unpleasant. If your wife wants to avoid having semen in her mouth, perhaps she could lick the sides and the head of your cock, avoiding the tip of your penis. Or perhaps she would consent to try sucking it while it is in a condom. That way she could be sure of not having semen in her mouth.

Perhaps your wife has a very active gag reflex and feels as if she is going to throw up when anything touches the back of her throat or the rear roof of her mouth. This is fairly common with both men and women. If this is the case, ask her to try licking the sides, and the top, and tell her that if she puts her lips over the head of your penis, you will not pull down on her head in any way. She will have complete control over how far her lips go over your penis, so she does not have to go down on it far enough to cause gagging.

You don’t mention if your wife has ever told you the reason she has been unwilling to suck your cock. Does she find the entire concept of this act in some way taboo? Many women are victims of our  culture, that says that if a woman sucks a man’s cock, she’s “dirty” or a “slut”.  We use the terms “cock sucker” and “suck my dick” as ways to express anger or disgust with other people, which  certainly wouldn’t make it seem like a wonderful experience to someone who was raised to think that a “nice” woman would not do such a thing.

If this is not the case with your wife, perhaps you can wash your penis and you and your wife can have fun putting chocolate syrup or whipped cream on the shaft and head of your penis. Then your wife can try licking it off in tiny licks. That way, she will have a fun and familiar taste to try.

You sound pretty upset about this. Your wife is not rejecting you as a person or a man. She is only unwilling to do this one thing, and it sounds like it is the ONLY thing she has not been willing to do with you. You seem to take her refusal thus far as a statement of some kind, but it is very likely that her unwillingness has nothing at all to do with you, and is only regarding oral sex. She may also be feeling very pressured, and that is not good for your relationship

If you have a varied and active sex life, and you and your wife care for each other, one sexual act shouldn’t destroy your marriage - or even your sex life together. If you are gentle with your wife and make sure she doesn’t feel forced or feel that you’re trying to guilt her, she may be willing to try to meet you at least half way to please you.

Good luck,

Nina

Dear Nina -

I’ve been married for 8 years. Lately I’ve been having fantasies about anal sex - I really want to try it! When I told my wife what I wanted, she was not thrilled. She said that anal sex sounded like it would be very painful and unrewarding for the woman. Also she felt it could be messy and dirty, and because of this, degrading.

Don’t get me wrong - my wife is genuinely both talented and creative sexually. She’s a real hottie who loves all kinds of sex as much as I do, and I know I’m a lucky man. But I have not felt as excited about anything as I do when I think about pushing my dick into her pucked asshole.

I know there are women out there who claim to love anal sex, even more than regular sex. There must be some way I can convince my wife to at least try it. Who knows? Maybe she’d really like it. Or maybe not, but this is the only time my wife has not been willing to at least consider a new sex act.

I am probably a little spoiled by having such a sexually adventurous wife, but I feel a little deprived that she isn’t interested. Are there any facts I can present her with about anal sex that would show that it does not have to be painful or degrading?

Thanks!

Martin

Dear Martin,

You are not the first man whose wife wasn’t happy when he wanted to try anal sex. A lot of women are less than ecstatic when presented with the idea of having something penetrate their behinds. But all is not lost - I do have some facts, and I have a couple very good friends that do love anal sex!

Anal sex does NOT have to hurt. If you take things very slowly, and use a lot of lubrication, it should not be painful at all. It is all a question of allowing the woman time to get used to each step so that her sphincter muscle can relax. Pain only occurs if the muscle is not relaxed and is forced open. The adult anus, when relaxed, is capable of accommodating the average adult penis without damage. If it hurts,  you’re doing something wrong.

Why not take things slowly, step by step with your wife? One night, while you are playing with her, try putting a finger very lightly against her anus. Do NOT try to insert the finger (unless she asks, of course). Let it rest there, getting her used to the feeling. The next time, try putting a lot of lube on your finger and very gently pushing her anus open - do not try to push your finger inside her at this time. Just let her feel you open her ass a little way, and get used to that.

Remember that if, at any time, your wife asks you to stop, respect her feelings immediately and stop. Talk with her later about her reasons - perhaps she was afraid. If so, reassure her by letting her know exactly what you wanted to do with her.

If your wife is comfortable so far, next time take a small dildo, no more than half the width of your  penis, and gradually, while you are eating her pussy, open her anus with it. After she has time to adjust to this, try pushing it a little inside her. During this entire time, keep eating her pussy or masturbating her. If she does not tell you to stop, push the dildo in a little more. After about one minute, pull it out a little way and push it back in A LITTLE. Always be VERY gentle with her. If she is okay with this, try doing this a few times, going slowly and gently.

If both of you are comfortable, and she is relaxed, try putting a LOT of lube on your penis, and a LOT of lube on her anus. Then gently place your penis against her asshole, while still masturbating her. Find a position, perhaps with both of you on your sides, you behind her, where you can keep stimulating her nipples and pussy. Also some women feel a little claustrophobic when they first have anal sex, and this way she will not feel trapped as she might with you above her.

Leave your penis against her anus, exerting gentle pressure. Speak to her reassuringly, and touch her in ways that she enjoys. Do NOT suddenly force your way into your wife’s ass or it WILL hurt. If you let her relax and get used to your penis pushing her rectum open, once her muscle is relaxed, you will feel the head of your cock pop inside of her ass.

This is NOT the time to start madly banging away! Move slowly and gently, and keep treating her in as loving and sexual a fashion as you were before entering her. A little reassurance goes a long way.

Many women learn to love anal penetration because there are a LOT of nerve endings in that area (be sure to tell this to your wife!) and this can heighten her sexual pleasure. Of course, it can be even better if you are applying your lubricated fingers or a vibrator to your wife’s clit while you fuck her ass.

You can keep things clean by using a condom. Or if she prefers, your wife can take a light enema. Do not have anal intercourse and follow it with vaginal intercourse. The bacteria in the anus should not enter the vagina. Other than that, practice makes perfect, so if she’s comfortable, let her pick the position next time.

That’s it! Good luck with your wife-

Love,

Nina

What is the definition of “phone sex”?

Phone sex is the activity of talking on the telephone with someone about sex in order to become sexually excited.

How do I get phone sex for free?

Well it’s the same process as getting “laid” in real time is. You must put some effort into it by meeting up with women in chatrooms. Takes some time to get to know them and make them feel safe before you ask for a phone conversation.

When should I use a pay phone sex service?

When you want to talk to girl whom you know will not be shy. When you do not want to put the effort into cyber “courting” a girl from a chatroom. When you want it to be more discreet and private with less risk to your personal life. And lastly - when you want to talk to a girl who may understand your “fetish” or your “fantasy” on a deeper level.

What’s the best way to enjoy phone sex?

You will enjoy phone sex the most by being verbal, and a good communicator about your desires. Talking about sex over the telephone is often easier to do than to speak to someone about it face to face. Just be open in the conversation.

How much will a phone sex service cost me?

Prices do vary. You want to make sure you won’t be ripped off so investigate to be sure there are not any “hidden” charges. You should certainly inquire carefully before you hand out any personal credit card information.

Do phone sex operators actually LIKE their callers?

Sure. A good phone sex operator enjoys talking on the telephone and flirting with men. While some are there solely doing it for the money a larger portion do genuinely enjoy their callers. Go with your gut instinct. You will notice right away who likes your company and who doesn’t.