Dear Nina -

I have something I’d like to ask.  I’m a 28 year old male, pretty good looking, and I’ve had my share of women, and experimented a lot.  My present girlfriend says she loves when someone uses his fingers to get her off, but most of my experience was that fingering a woman leads to other things. My girlfriend says she gets off the best when a guy really knows how to use both his hands on her.

Most of my experience has been eating pussy and fucking, and I love doing both to her.  My girlfriend likes getting eaten, and she loves to fuck, but she says for her it’s best when a guy gets her off with his hands and fingers, not with his tongue or dick.

So far, I don’t think I’ve really impressed her, although it’s amazing how wild and horny she gets when I start.  She really loves it.  I have rarely seen a woman so stimulated and passionate as she gets when I start playing with her clit and fingerbanging her.  It turns me on to watch her, and I know it could be even better!

I feel sort of silly asking her what exactly I should do to her, but I’d like to make her really remember our sex as the best if possible.  So please give me some tips here.  How can I finger a woman so that she goes totally crazy, and cums uncontrollably?

Thanks a lot,

Joey S.

Dear Joey,

A lot of women love to get fingered although many prefer getting their pussies licked to being mast-urbated.  But there’s nothing like a guy who’s good with his hands, I always say ;-)  So here goes…

First off, make sure your hands are clean before playing with your girlfriend.  And make sure you have a nice slippery lubricant nearby, with an easy to open top.  If you rub a girl’s clit without lube, you may cause her more pain than pleasure.

When she starts getting in the mood, take one or two fingers and very gently stoke the skin over her clit.  Then stroke her lips back toward her anus, but don’t go quite that far back.  Stroke back to her clit again.  Try this a few times to get things started.  Kiss her while you’re doing this.  Also try gently pinching her nipples with your other hand.

After a couple minutes, pour lube on your fingers - and pour more over her clit and her opening.  Try not to worry about spilling a little.  Gently push one finger inside her pussy.  Pull it almost all the way out, and move your finger in a circular motion, pushing her lips gently apart.  With your other hand’s fingers, begin gently stroking the hood of her clit in tiny circles.

Now add a second finger inside her pussy, and push them inside her further.  Wiggle them around, sort of back and forth, while moving them in and out of her.  If you’re a man who can concentrate on several things at once, try sucking her nipples while you do this.  But that is sort of secondary. Keep finger-fucking her while you move your fingers inside her.  Never spread your fingers further apart than her vagina can comfortably accommodate.

If her clit is hard, it’s time to - with lots of lubrication - play with it directly.  You can alternate tiny circular motions with fast short up and down movements of your fingers.  Watch her and listen to her.  You may be able to tell which she likes better.  Or maybe she’ll like both.  Some men use one finger on their partner’s clit, some use two.  See which works best for you.

The mistake most men make is that they stop, thinking they’re teasing her.  Don’t stop.  All you’ll do is ruin the mood.

If you have a dildo, one you know she likes, you can insert it inside her while you keep making tiny circles or back and forth motions over her clit.  Some women prefer your fingers inside, though, because of the way your fingers can move apart and together while moving in and out.  Also it is more intimate with your fingers inside of her, so be sure and find out which she prefers - but not in the heat of passion.

As things get more heated up, she will want you to move your fingers faster and faster over her clit. Be sure to touch it gently even when you speed up - there are a LOT of nerve endings in the clitoris, and it doesn’t require much touch to stimulate it.

By the time she is almost ready to cum, you will be moving your finger(s) rapidly on her clit.  Do not start fucking her too hard with your fingers or dildo - you can take concentration away from the clit. Just concentrate on that little bud - you can experiment with the fingers inside her, feeling your way inside her or just pushing in and out or making a tickling motion.  But keep your rapid gentle motion and soon she will be cumming on your fingers.  Don’t stop till she’s done.  Some women are very sensitive right after and may push at your hand to move it away.  But some are ready for you to keep going right after.

After a woman comes like this, her clit is very hard.  This is a perfect time to fuck her - her clit standing out from its hood makes this the best time for her to cum while fucking.

Have fun!

Nina

Hi, Nina!

My name is Melissa and my finance and I have great sex. He’s very passionate and very sweet, and really tries to please me - and succeeds. He’s a great kisser, and gives the best head! The only thing is that he loves to watch me masturbate myself, but I’d love to watch him masturbate for me.

Is this normal? Do other women like to watch their boyfriends jack off for them? I don’t see anything about this in magazines, and none of my friends talk about anything like this. But it seems to me that it would be SO sexy to have him stroke his cock while looking deep into my eyes.

I know that guys love it when their woman masturbates for them. Also a lot of my friends say that they play with themselves while getting fucked to make sure that they get off. But no one talks about men masturbating during sexual encounters.

Do you think I could ask my finance to play with his cock in front of me? Would he be offended? And wouldn’t it be a turn on if he could stroke his cock in his pants in a restaurant or somewhere public while telling me he was doing it and looking at me? Wow!!! This sounds great to me.

Please let me know what you think -

Thank you,

Melissa

Hello, Melissa!

It sounds as if you’re a lady who knows what she wants, but is a little nervous asking for it. The fact is that a lot of women like to watch their men masturbate in front of them. Men aren’t the only ones who enjoy a show of how horny their partners are *grin*

And you’re right - masturbation isn’t talked about very much, although if you go to women’s sex chat boards, you will often see threads about this. You never see articles about guys jacking off for their women in men’s magazines, or in women’s. Overall, masturbation isn’t generally considered a very important thing in sexual encounters - but it should be.

You can learn a lot about how your boyfriend likes to be touched by watching what he does to himself.  In fact, men should be happy to show you exactly what feel the best to them - and turning you on in the process. You can masturbate for each other, as well, if that feels right for you. Or perhaps you would rather enjoy watching him. Whatever works for two people is the right thing for them.

Do ask your fiance to masturate for you. There’s no prescription for this one - just tell him what you want and how you feel about it. Guys love to know that women are turned on by things that they do, that women desire them. So just go for it - let him know. Sometimes it’s difficult for women to ask men to do something sexual, but the best way to get something is to ask. Often guys don’t know what we want - they’re not psychic.

He may feel surprise or awkwardness at first, but if he’s eager to please you, he’ll probably give it a try. You can encourage him by telling him while he does it just how sexy it is, how horny it makes you - let him know it makes you crazy, and how good it is for you. Let him know you love watching him stroke his hard cock. Tell him how romantic and sexy it is when he does it while looking into your eyes. Encourage him and have a great time!

Love,

Nina