Hi, Nina.

My name’s Ed. I am 5′ 11″, 180 athletic pounds. I have all my hair, I look good, and I date a lot. I love sex, and women mostly seem to enjoy sharing it with me. There is nothing as good as seeing a woman’s face while you’re fucking her.

My problem is that I reach orgasm too fast. I rarely last more than twenty minutes after actual inter-course begins, yet I read about guys who can go all night. I feel embarrassed when I cum in less than half an hour, which I always do. But I can’t seem to help myself - it feels so good, and the women are so sexy to me.

I have read in men’s magazines that I could think about baseball scores or income tax or something not very pleasant in order to keep from reaching orgasm. The problem I see with this method is that I feel that it would take away some of the natural pleasure from sharing sex with a partner. Taking the pleasure out of sex doesn’t seem like a very good solution to me.

Also I know there are numbing creams that can be applied to my penis, but I feel the same way about using them. Anything that takes the pleasure out of sex is not a good thing to do while having sex.

So where does all this leave me? Feeling that I orgasm too quickly for my partners, that I do not stack up to other guys who can fuck for hours or a whole evening. I’d like to feel that I am a good lover, and I can’t feel that way while I feel that I last so much less time than other men can.

So what do you suggest, Nina?

Thank you,

Ed M.

Dear Ed -

It sounds like you are missing a lot of pleasure by simply worrying about this so much, and it is too bad.

You have either been listening to men bragging or watching porno movies. The average guy lasts less than twenty minutes, and in most cases, women find twenty minutes just about right. It’s a long enough time that they can enjoy it and orgasm, and not so long a period of time that you leave your women sore and uncomfortable.

I agree with you - I think that thinking about unpleasant things during intercourse might make it last longer, but it would be MUCH less rewarding emotionally and physically. It just doesn’t make sense to do any of these things.

If you would like to feel your encounters last longer, you might consider more foreplay. I’m sure that your partners won’t mind - in fact, I’m sure that they’ll be thrilled to find a guy who plays with them for a longer amount of time. Most women feel that they do not get enough foreplay, and they express disappointment about this. So by lengthening the time you put into fondling, fingering and licking, you will make sex take longer overall, and you will satisfy your partners better.

You have a problem shared with too many men - you think of sex as a performance. As a performance, your activities can be measured against other men. But sex should be about the two people sharing their bodies with each other, not about a bunch of guys bragging at the bar or the gym. How long you last and how active you are isn’t what will give your women the most pleasure.

And isn’t giving and receiving pleasure what sex is all about?

Enjoy!

Nina

Dear Nina -

I have something I’d like to ask.  I’m a 28 year old male, pretty good looking, and I’ve had my share of women, and experimented a lot.  My present girlfriend says she loves when someone uses his fingers to get her off, but most of my experience was that fingering a woman leads to other things. My girlfriend says she gets off the best when a guy really knows how to use both his hands on her.

Most of my experience has been eating pussy and fucking, and I love doing both to her.  My girlfriend likes getting eaten, and she loves to fuck, but she says for her it’s best when a guy gets her off with his hands and fingers, not with his tongue or dick.

So far, I don’t think I’ve really impressed her, although it’s amazing how wild and horny she gets when I start.  She really loves it.  I have rarely seen a woman so stimulated and passionate as she gets when I start playing with her clit and fingerbanging her.  It turns me on to watch her, and I know it could be even better!

I feel sort of silly asking her what exactly I should do to her, but I’d like to make her really remember our sex as the best if possible.  So please give me some tips here.  How can I finger a woman so that she goes totally crazy, and cums uncontrollably?

Thanks a lot,

Joey S.

Dear Joey,

A lot of women love to get fingered although many prefer getting their pussies licked to being mast-urbated.  But there’s nothing like a guy who’s good with his hands, I always say ;-)  So here goes…

First off, make sure your hands are clean before playing with your girlfriend.  And make sure you have a nice slippery lubricant nearby, with an easy to open top.  If you rub a girl’s clit without lube, you may cause her more pain than pleasure.

When she starts getting in the mood, take one or two fingers and very gently stoke the skin over her clit.  Then stroke her lips back toward her anus, but don’t go quite that far back.  Stroke back to her clit again.  Try this a few times to get things started.  Kiss her while you’re doing this.  Also try gently pinching her nipples with your other hand.

After a couple minutes, pour lube on your fingers - and pour more over her clit and her opening.  Try not to worry about spilling a little.  Gently push one finger inside her pussy.  Pull it almost all the way out, and move your finger in a circular motion, pushing her lips gently apart.  With your other hand’s fingers, begin gently stroking the hood of her clit in tiny circles.

Now add a second finger inside her pussy, and push them inside her further.  Wiggle them around, sort of back and forth, while moving them in and out of her.  If you’re a man who can concentrate on several things at once, try sucking her nipples while you do this.  But that is sort of secondary. Keep finger-fucking her while you move your fingers inside her.  Never spread your fingers further apart than her vagina can comfortably accommodate.

If her clit is hard, it’s time to - with lots of lubrication - play with it directly.  You can alternate tiny circular motions with fast short up and down movements of your fingers.  Watch her and listen to her.  You may be able to tell which she likes better.  Or maybe she’ll like both.  Some men use one finger on their partner’s clit, some use two.  See which works best for you.

The mistake most men make is that they stop, thinking they’re teasing her.  Don’t stop.  All you’ll do is ruin the mood.

If you have a dildo, one you know she likes, you can insert it inside her while you keep making tiny circles or back and forth motions over her clit.  Some women prefer your fingers inside, though, because of the way your fingers can move apart and together while moving in and out.  Also it is more intimate with your fingers inside of her, so be sure and find out which she prefers - but not in the heat of passion.

As things get more heated up, she will want you to move your fingers faster and faster over her clit. Be sure to touch it gently even when you speed up - there are a LOT of nerve endings in the clitoris, and it doesn’t require much touch to stimulate it.

By the time she is almost ready to cum, you will be moving your finger(s) rapidly on her clit.  Do not start fucking her too hard with your fingers or dildo - you can take concentration away from the clit. Just concentrate on that little bud - you can experiment with the fingers inside her, feeling your way inside her or just pushing in and out or making a tickling motion.  But keep your rapid gentle motion and soon she will be cumming on your fingers.  Don’t stop till she’s done.  Some women are very sensitive right after and may push at your hand to move it away.  But some are ready for you to keep going right after.

After a woman comes like this, her clit is very hard.  This is a perfect time to fuck her - her clit standing out from its hood makes this the best time for her to cum while fucking.

Have fun!

Nina

Hi, Nina!

My name is Melissa and my finance and I have great sex. He’s very passionate and very sweet, and really tries to please me - and succeeds. He’s a great kisser, and gives the best head! The only thing is that he loves to watch me masturbate myself, but I’d love to watch him masturbate for me.

Is this normal? Do other women like to watch their boyfriends jack off for them? I don’t see anything about this in magazines, and none of my friends talk about anything like this. But it seems to me that it would be SO sexy to have him stroke his cock while looking deep into my eyes.

I know that guys love it when their woman masturbates for them. Also a lot of my friends say that they play with themselves while getting fucked to make sure that they get off. But no one talks about men masturbating during sexual encounters.

Do you think I could ask my finance to play with his cock in front of me? Would he be offended? And wouldn’t it be a turn on if he could stroke his cock in his pants in a restaurant or somewhere public while telling me he was doing it and looking at me? Wow!!! This sounds great to me.

Please let me know what you think -

Thank you,

Melissa

Hello, Melissa!

It sounds as if you’re a lady who knows what she wants, but is a little nervous asking for it. The fact is that a lot of women like to watch their men masturbate in front of them. Men aren’t the only ones who enjoy a show of how horny their partners are *grin*

And you’re right - masturbation isn’t talked about very much, although if you go to women’s sex chat boards, you will often see threads about this. You never see articles about guys jacking off for their women in men’s magazines, or in women’s. Overall, masturbation isn’t generally considered a very important thing in sexual encounters - but it should be.

You can learn a lot about how your boyfriend likes to be touched by watching what he does to himself.  In fact, men should be happy to show you exactly what feel the best to them - and turning you on in the process. You can masturbate for each other, as well, if that feels right for you. Or perhaps you would rather enjoy watching him. Whatever works for two people is the right thing for them.

Do ask your fiance to masturate for you. There’s no prescription for this one - just tell him what you want and how you feel about it. Guys love to know that women are turned on by things that they do, that women desire them. So just go for it - let him know. Sometimes it’s difficult for women to ask men to do something sexual, but the best way to get something is to ask. Often guys don’t know what we want - they’re not psychic.

He may feel surprise or awkwardness at first, but if he’s eager to please you, he’ll probably give it a try. You can encourage him by telling him while he does it just how sexy it is, how horny it makes you - let him know it makes you crazy, and how good it is for you. Let him know you love watching him stroke his hard cock. Tell him how romantic and sexy it is when he does it while looking into your eyes. Encourage him and have a great time!

Love,

Nina

Dear Nina -

I’ve been married for 8 years. Lately I’ve been having fantasies about anal sex - I really want to try it! When I told my wife what I wanted, she was not thrilled. She said that anal sex sounded like it would be very painful and unrewarding for the woman. Also she felt it could be messy and dirty, and because of this, degrading.

Don’t get me wrong - my wife is genuinely both talented and creative sexually. She’s a real hottie who loves all kinds of sex as much as I do, and I know I’m a lucky man. But I have not felt as excited about anything as I do when I think about pushing my dick into her pucked asshole.

I know there are women out there who claim to love anal sex, even more than regular sex. There must be some way I can convince my wife to at least try it. Who knows? Maybe she’d really like it. Or maybe not, but this is the only time my wife has not been willing to at least consider a new sex act.

I am probably a little spoiled by having such a sexually adventurous wife, but I feel a little deprived that she isn’t interested. Are there any facts I can present her with about anal sex that would show that it does not have to be painful or degrading?

Thanks!

Martin

Dear Martin,

You are not the first man whose wife wasn’t happy when he wanted to try anal sex. A lot of women are less than ecstatic when presented with the idea of having something penetrate their behinds. But all is not lost - I do have some facts, and I have a couple very good friends that do love anal sex!

Anal sex does NOT have to hurt. If you take things very slowly, and use a lot of lubrication, it should not be painful at all. It is all a question of allowing the woman time to get used to each step so that her sphincter muscle can relax. Pain only occurs if the muscle is not relaxed and is forced open. The adult anus, when relaxed, is capable of accommodating the average adult penis without damage. If it hurts,  you’re doing something wrong.

Why not take things slowly, step by step with your wife? One night, while you are playing with her, try putting a finger very lightly against her anus. Do NOT try to insert the finger (unless she asks, of course). Let it rest there, getting her used to the feeling. The next time, try putting a lot of lube on your finger and very gently pushing her anus open - do not try to push your finger inside her at this time. Just let her feel you open her ass a little way, and get used to that.

Remember that if, at any time, your wife asks you to stop, respect her feelings immediately and stop. Talk with her later about her reasons - perhaps she was afraid. If so, reassure her by letting her know exactly what you wanted to do with her.

If your wife is comfortable so far, next time take a small dildo, no more than half the width of your  penis, and gradually, while you are eating her pussy, open her anus with it. After she has time to adjust to this, try pushing it a little inside her. During this entire time, keep eating her pussy or masturbating her. If she does not tell you to stop, push the dildo in a little more. After about one minute, pull it out a little way and push it back in A LITTLE. Always be VERY gentle with her. If she is okay with this, try doing this a few times, going slowly and gently.

If both of you are comfortable, and she is relaxed, try putting a LOT of lube on your penis, and a LOT of lube on her anus. Then gently place your penis against her asshole, while still masturbating her. Find a position, perhaps with both of you on your sides, you behind her, where you can keep stimulating her nipples and pussy. Also some women feel a little claustrophobic when they first have anal sex, and this way she will not feel trapped as she might with you above her.

Leave your penis against her anus, exerting gentle pressure. Speak to her reassuringly, and touch her in ways that she enjoys. Do NOT suddenly force your way into your wife’s ass or it WILL hurt. If you let her relax and get used to your penis pushing her rectum open, once her muscle is relaxed, you will feel the head of your cock pop inside of her ass.

This is NOT the time to start madly banging away! Move slowly and gently, and keep treating her in as loving and sexual a fashion as you were before entering her. A little reassurance goes a long way.

Many women learn to love anal penetration because there are a LOT of nerve endings in that area (be sure to tell this to your wife!) and this can heighten her sexual pleasure. Of course, it can be even better if you are applying your lubricated fingers or a vibrator to your wife’s clit while you fuck her ass.

You can keep things clean by using a condom. Or if she prefers, your wife can take a light enema. Do not have anal intercourse and follow it with vaginal intercourse. The bacteria in the anus should not enter the vagina. Other than that, practice makes perfect, so if she’s comfortable, let her pick the position next time.

That’s it! Good luck with your wife-

Love,

Nina