Hi, Nina.

My name’s Ed. I am 5′ 11″, 180 athletic pounds. I have all my hair, I look good, and I date a lot. I love sex, and women mostly seem to enjoy sharing it with me. There is nothing as good as seeing a woman’s face while you’re fucking her.

My problem is that I reach orgasm too fast. I rarely last more than twenty minutes after actual inter-course begins, yet I read about guys who can go all night. I feel embarrassed when I cum in less than half an hour, which I always do. But I can’t seem to help myself - it feels so good, and the women are so sexy to me.

I have read in men’s magazines that I could think about baseball scores or income tax or something not very pleasant in order to keep from reaching orgasm. The problem I see with this method is that I feel that it would take away some of the natural pleasure from sharing sex with a partner. Taking the pleasure out of sex doesn’t seem like a very good solution to me.

Also I know there are numbing creams that can be applied to my penis, but I feel the same way about using them. Anything that takes the pleasure out of sex is not a good thing to do while having sex.

So where does all this leave me? Feeling that I orgasm too quickly for my partners, that I do not stack up to other guys who can fuck for hours or a whole evening. I’d like to feel that I am a good lover, and I can’t feel that way while I feel that I last so much less time than other men can.

So what do you suggest, Nina?

Thank you,

Ed M.

Dear Ed -

It sounds like you are missing a lot of pleasure by simply worrying about this so much, and it is too bad.

You have either been listening to men bragging or watching porno movies. The average guy lasts less than twenty minutes, and in most cases, women find twenty minutes just about right. It’s a long enough time that they can enjoy it and orgasm, and not so long a period of time that you leave your women sore and uncomfortable.

I agree with you - I think that thinking about unpleasant things during intercourse might make it last longer, but it would be MUCH less rewarding emotionally and physically. It just doesn’t make sense to do any of these things.

If you would like to feel your encounters last longer, you might consider more foreplay. I’m sure that your partners won’t mind - in fact, I’m sure that they’ll be thrilled to find a guy who plays with them for a longer amount of time. Most women feel that they do not get enough foreplay, and they express disappointment about this. So by lengthening the time you put into fondling, fingering and licking, you will make sex take longer overall, and you will satisfy your partners better.

You have a problem shared with too many men - you think of sex as a performance. As a performance, your activities can be measured against other men. But sex should be about the two people sharing their bodies with each other, not about a bunch of guys bragging at the bar or the gym. How long you last and how active you are isn’t what will give your women the most pleasure.

And isn’t giving and receiving pleasure what sex is all about?

Enjoy!

Nina

Dear Nina -

I’ve been married for 8 years. Lately I’ve been having fantasies about anal sex - I really want to try it! When I told my wife what I wanted, she was not thrilled. She said that anal sex sounded like it would be very painful and unrewarding for the woman. Also she felt it could be messy and dirty, and because of this, degrading.

Don’t get me wrong - my wife is genuinely both talented and creative sexually. She’s a real hottie who loves all kinds of sex as much as I do, and I know I’m a lucky man. But I have not felt as excited about anything as I do when I think about pushing my dick into her pucked asshole.

I know there are women out there who claim to love anal sex, even more than regular sex. There must be some way I can convince my wife to at least try it. Who knows? Maybe she’d really like it. Or maybe not, but this is the only time my wife has not been willing to at least consider a new sex act.

I am probably a little spoiled by having such a sexually adventurous wife, but I feel a little deprived that she isn’t interested. Are there any facts I can present her with about anal sex that would show that it does not have to be painful or degrading?

Thanks!

Martin

Dear Martin,

You are not the first man whose wife wasn’t happy when he wanted to try anal sex. A lot of women are less than ecstatic when presented with the idea of having something penetrate their behinds. But all is not lost - I do have some facts, and I have a couple very good friends that do love anal sex!

Anal sex does NOT have to hurt. If you take things very slowly, and use a lot of lubrication, it should not be painful at all. It is all a question of allowing the woman time to get used to each step so that her sphincter muscle can relax. Pain only occurs if the muscle is not relaxed and is forced open. The adult anus, when relaxed, is capable of accommodating the average adult penis without damage. If it hurts,  you’re doing something wrong.

Why not take things slowly, step by step with your wife? One night, while you are playing with her, try putting a finger very lightly against her anus. Do NOT try to insert the finger (unless she asks, of course). Let it rest there, getting her used to the feeling. The next time, try putting a lot of lube on your finger and very gently pushing her anus open - do not try to push your finger inside her at this time. Just let her feel you open her ass a little way, and get used to that.

Remember that if, at any time, your wife asks you to stop, respect her feelings immediately and stop. Talk with her later about her reasons - perhaps she was afraid. If so, reassure her by letting her know exactly what you wanted to do with her.

If your wife is comfortable so far, next time take a small dildo, no more than half the width of your  penis, and gradually, while you are eating her pussy, open her anus with it. After she has time to adjust to this, try pushing it a little inside her. During this entire time, keep eating her pussy or masturbating her. If she does not tell you to stop, push the dildo in a little more. After about one minute, pull it out a little way and push it back in A LITTLE. Always be VERY gentle with her. If she is okay with this, try doing this a few times, going slowly and gently.

If both of you are comfortable, and she is relaxed, try putting a LOT of lube on your penis, and a LOT of lube on her anus. Then gently place your penis against her asshole, while still masturbating her. Find a position, perhaps with both of you on your sides, you behind her, where you can keep stimulating her nipples and pussy. Also some women feel a little claustrophobic when they first have anal sex, and this way she will not feel trapped as she might with you above her.

Leave your penis against her anus, exerting gentle pressure. Speak to her reassuringly, and touch her in ways that she enjoys. Do NOT suddenly force your way into your wife’s ass or it WILL hurt. If you let her relax and get used to your penis pushing her rectum open, once her muscle is relaxed, you will feel the head of your cock pop inside of her ass.

This is NOT the time to start madly banging away! Move slowly and gently, and keep treating her in as loving and sexual a fashion as you were before entering her. A little reassurance goes a long way.

Many women learn to love anal penetration because there are a LOT of nerve endings in that area (be sure to tell this to your wife!) and this can heighten her sexual pleasure. Of course, it can be even better if you are applying your lubricated fingers or a vibrator to your wife’s clit while you fuck her ass.

You can keep things clean by using a condom. Or if she prefers, your wife can take a light enema. Do not have anal intercourse and follow it with vaginal intercourse. The bacteria in the anus should not enter the vagina. Other than that, practice makes perfect, so if she’s comfortable, let her pick the position next time.

That’s it! Good luck with your wife-

Love,

Nina